Saturday, April 2, 2011

Still Not Better

     I'm still not better. I'll spare you the gory details, but I will tell you that I'm having trouble walking very much, and I'm very fatigued. Hopefully, it clears up completely soon.
     The practical upshot is that I have missed two very important appointments for B. With the same doctor. And I feel horrible and irresponsible. And yeah, yeah, cut myself slack, and all that, but I usually do not forget such stuff so much, and since Christmas, I've forgotten three really important appointments for her.
     I am burnt out. And exhausted. And I know I shouldn't make any more appointments until I feel better. Just taking care of B and my own stuff is hard enough right now.
     But I still feel bad. When you have to interact with as many doctors as I do for B, feeling incompetent is disastorous, just for yourself. I have always considered many things in life just a bluff to make it through. Not a lie, just working yourself up to get through it. I don't know what will happen if I lose steam. I'm sitting on a medical house of cards. If I crash...
    B, however, is doing pretty good. She's had lots of rest over Spring Break, and Ice Cream. The other day, I took her in a very slow way to the park. We saw a friend there, and I asked her if she would play with his four year old girl. She was happy to do it, she is really good with small kids. She took the girl to the sand box, and they hung out with tons of other toddlers and wee ones. After awhile I wandered over and asked her how it was going. She said, in a whisper, "Mom, which of these kids am I watching again?"
     It was very cute. :)

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